Dear Academy,

You are receiving this strongly worded letter as an expression of my outrage at your selection Crash as Best Picture of the year. This is B.S. I'm so mad I could spit, curse, or even worse. Though I am deeply invested in the reception of Brokeback Mountain, this is not purely about that glorious, moving and groundbreaking film being denied what it rightfully deserves. No, this is about the choice of that steaming pile of horse S over Brokeback.

You S.O.B.'s must NOT have seen the same movie that I saw, because the last time I checked, street thugs do not wax philosophical about race relations moments before car jacking someone. Trust me, I am Black. And I may be mistaken, but hasn't that whole "vignettes in L.A. that intertwine" thing been done before? Oh yes, it was called Traffic and was a much better F-ing movie. Yes, I said F-ing. Do not mistake my use of the demure Trebuchet MS font for weakness. I am mad as heck, Academy. And I hope you know the force with which I am bolding and underlining these words. And I haven't even employed the use of the caps lock yet, but just you wait!

I don't want to say that you, the Academy, is full of old, crusty, blind and deaf mother f-ers, but it looks that way. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN STAYS WITH YOU DAYS AFTER YOU SEE THE FILM, IF NOT WEEKS. I sometimes forget that I have even seen Crash. And oh god that performance of the song... like visual and auditory Lunesta. But forgive me, I am going off on a tangent, just like you, Academy, must have gone off your meds.

I wish there were a medium other than the angrily written letter that I could use to show you A holes that I mean business when I say that you all can go straight to hell in a handbasket.

I, however, applaud you for your choice of Jon Stewart as host; I have a long standing love of Jews who Joke. Also, a bold move giving an Oscar to a merry band of thugs with gleaming platinum "grills", as the kids call them.

But that in no way excuses you for the Best Picture catastrophe. You have P.O.'d a whole hell of a lot of homos and I would warn you against blade slices and pump stab wounds.

Though I am seething with unbridled anger at you Academy, you can redeem yourself by voting in Milla Jovovich as Best Actress for her undoubtabley stellar performance in Ultraviolet or Dave Chappelle's Block Party as best documentary feature in next year's awards.

(Barely) Respectfully Yours,
Nakia

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